How to Reset by Choice or By Force
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Originally posted on Gutted Fitness on March 31, 2019. Updated January 31, 2024
Raise your hand if you have experienced a forced reset that you could not control. What about in circumstances that you could control? Yeah, me too.
I’ve entered a season of transition and I have been circling this concept of resetting. I’ve been thinking about what it means to me, how it has played a role in my life thus far and how I can use it to my advantage in my future. Through conversations with people from different backgrounds, it seems to show up in their life cycles, too. Sometimes their reset was invited and others not so much.
What it means to me:
Reset is a grounding tool I have used since I was a child to make the most of my situations. I wasn’t able to identify it as a reset until recent years. Back then, I had my fair share of circumstances handed to me – poverty, blue collar lifestyle and navigating mental illness to name a few. Instead of hopping in on other people’s paces, I would step back and reset my posture to approach whatever I was facing.
How it has played a role in my life:
Resetting is a critical tool in my ability to coexist in blue collar beginnings and rise to be a white collar professional. It still plays a significant role in my ability to be a first generation professional who doesn’t burn out or sell out.
I learned a lot of lessons and gained a lot of useful life tools. I want to share some of my insights with you.
How I can use it to my advantage:
Before we go into the two types of resets, I want to share a bit of wisdom that I learned in therapy to help me use the types of resetting to my advantage.
My therapist, Dr. J. told me that when I was a child I did not have the option to choose everything that happened to me. As an adult, I have the power to choose what happens to me (most of the time). I’m responsible for finding healthy ways to get my needs met, my reactions to my needs not being met and behaviors regardless of the situation.
Let’s get into the different types of choices I’ve learned…
As a first generation professional (FGP) in this digital age, it’s difficult to be balanced mentally, physically, professionally and emotionally. A FGP often carries multiple identities at once such as parent, student, professional, caregiver, etc that requires significant amounts of time and/or maximum effort simultaneously. It can be taxing. The upside to this all is that it’s possible to find cohesiveness through strategically resetting with intention.
I believe resetting happens two ways: by choice or by force. By choice requires self-awareness and proactive goal setting to change the direction of your life. It’s making the choices now to impact your life in a way you cannot see yet. Force resetting is when you’re dealt a set of circumstances you did not choose and have to find a way out. In both cases, your intention decides the result.
Resetting by choice –
When I chose to reset my life habits and behaviors by graduating college early, I had to be intentional about reaching that goal no matter what life threw at me. This goal was a part of my life, not my entire life focus - there’s a difference.
Life didn’t stop happening in other aspects because I set the goal. I got knocked down and hit every road block you could think of like work schedules getting mixed up, scholarships not being released, books not coming in, etc. Regardless of the happenings around me, I still had to find balance and take action towards my goal of graduating.
I was an independent student which means my FASFA was registered to my income as a full time employee. For some reason, I had to prove myself financially every semester. It was harder for me to stay enrolled in the schools I was in (I went to three) than it was to achieve academically. On top of that, I was a first generation college student. I didn’t have people to get advice from or money to bypass the challenges I was facing with financial aid. That’s why I switched schools so much. The two institutions that I went to before I graduated from Carlow told me that my only options to graduate with a business degree was to wait for their 2017 timeline which would have added three more years to my education. I didn’t have the money to waste so I transferred to a school that helped me graduate on time.
I had to reset my intentions and methods every time I hit a set back. When I hit a wall, I took a deep breath to refocus, laid out my choices and went full throttle towards it. Graduating was the goal, that’s what I was going to do. I was able to graduate a semester early and came out of undergrad with $4,500 in student loans. I could have stayed at Penn State and graduated later, but I didn’t want to do that.
On to when I had to reset by force…
Resetting by force -
When the choice was made for me to reset, it felt different because the choice was made for me. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia when I was 18, my first year of college. I was handed a new lifestyle after a car accident I was in in my senior year of high school. I was in physical therapy for a year before this diagnosis. The day I got diagnosed, I didn’t walk in that doctor's office willing to accept that diagnosis and I certainly didn’t walk out accepting it.
After leaving that appointment, it took about a year to reset my lifestyle completely. I had to reset my diet, pay attention to my sleep schedule, monitor the type of people I was around and go to talk therapy. I went through a lot of trials and decision making to best support this forced reset of my lifestyle. (Free Resource: I’ve created this wellness plan based on my experience to help people save time and track their health)
Present day, this force reset has helped me stand on a foundation of self awareness and strategy. It also makes the big resets feel less scary because I am not starting from scratch anymore. I will be entering my future resets with experience.
Resetting may look different for your life. It can be something as simple as closing your eyes and taking a deep breath before you switch tasks or praying before beginning your day.
Overall I suggest pairing your reset with intention and strategy to approach life or your goal with the effort required to accomplish it. Begin resetting with intention today and watch your goals start to align. I’m looking forward to hearing how you reset!
Christina L Glancy is a leading voice for helping first generation professionals use healthy communication and boundaries to navigate the growing pains on their journey to success. She is passionate about having tough conversations that lead to growth and solutions. If she’s not strategizing with her clients, you’ll find her traveling or starting pillow fights with her niece and nephews.
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