3 Things to Consider Before Your Next Invitation
Be honest about your availability. It can save your relationship. Thank me later.
How many events have you been asked to attend this month? Have you ever asked someone to join you to spend time with you or celebrate with you?
Keep your experience in mind (whether you’ve been the host, the person being invited or both) as we explore more than being invited and how your reaction or lack of action can impact your relationships.
This conversation is normal for some and offensive for others. Either way it needs to be had to bridge some of the miscommunication gaps between people and parties. I personally delivered 20 in-person and virtual events last year and my biggest challenge was that the people invited said they would come and then they wouldn’t show up.
For those people who circled back and gave me an explanation for not attending my events, they said it was their availability. So let’s talk about availability and how to communicate it properly.
Before we begin, to get on the same page…
According to Webster’s Dictionary, to be available means to be present or ready for immediate use. Keep this definition in mind as you consider how you respond the next time you're asked if you’re available or when you’re requesting another’s availability.
3 things to consider:
Here are three categories to evaluate the next time you’re asked about your availability. The order of significance depends on your lifestyle/priorities. I polled my audience and this is what they said matters the most.
To keep things simple, I'm going to talk about the top three which are
Alignment
Expectations
Cost in effort and money
Alignment:
This one is for my event goers and entrepreneurs. Is this request in alignment with where you are headed with your business, brand or career?
Align [verb]: to bring into a line or alignment or to be in or come into precise adjustment or correct relative position
Self evaluation may mean asking yourself questions like:
How does this request align with what you are trying to accomplish in life?
Will it benefit you or the person you are spending time with for you to attend? Is it a win-win, in their favor or in your favor?
Is this event going to add value to your life or is it a distraction? Does this interaction need your attention or can it wait for another time?
It’s important to evaluate the alignment when asked about your availability because your attention and time are finite resources - especially if you’re building your own enterprise with limited resources. The more responsibility that you have in your career journey, the more you have to be selective with your finite resources.
If you recognize that this event is not in alignment with where you are, tell the host that or decline the event. The host needs honest feedback for their operations and if you know the host, you can keep your relationship honest.
Alignment is one of the many ways to do so. Another is to evaluate your expectations.
Expectations:
Don’t miss or skip this one. Not communicating expectations is where a lot of wires get crossed for both the host and invitee.
Expect: [verb] to consider probable or certain or to consider reasonable, due or necessary.
Not communicating expectations can be the breeding ground for disappointment or resentment in any relationship. I think it’s heightened between parties when events are involved because of social media (Ask me how I know).
As the host of 20 events last year, when I communicated my expectations of the attendees I gave them the option to make the decision if my event aligned with their journeys or not. I told them what they will be doing at the event, what they need to bring and gave them an agenda ahead of time. It helped me build healthy relationships with my community. It also helped me and the events team pivot where we needed to. As an attendee, when a host doesn’t tell me the benefits of me joining I more than likely say no.
Let’s break this down more…
Most hosts deem their event or request necessary, that’s why they are inviting you in the first place. As the recipient, it’s your job to evaluate your expectation of this request and provide your honest answer on your availability - clicking yes or no by the set date.
Side Note: For some reason, there’s an abundance of people who sign up for events, hold space and don’t show up. (I could write a book on this. I think I’m going to go live with my favorite event curators soon to discuss this. S/o to Porchfest. If you ever want to throw a memorable event, book them.)
Here are some questions to think about:
What’s your expectation of the event and what’s the expectation of you?
What is required of me to attend?
What’s in it for me?
Now that we discussed alignment and expectations, let’s consider - the amount of effort involved when you agree to attend.
The amount of effort involved/cost:
This one is for my busy people and/or those who stick to their budgets. When I think about this point, I have to know the amount of effort and expectations of something to see if the effort and cost can be justified. On my busy days, the effort is the first thing I evaluate because DC traffic is a battle I don’t go up against for just anyone.
Effort: [noun] The conscious exertion of power
This is a common conversation for after work hour events in my DC circle and it is super important. Saying yes to something is an energy exchange. To put things in perspective, a DC rideshare to go a mile could cost you up to $80 and an hour to get there in traffic. If the event you’re being invited to is in the middle of rush hour, this battle in traffic might not be worth it.
From a cost perspective, if my company is not paying for this one and I have to pay for this one out of my pocket it’s most likely a no for me. If it’s an event I paid a lot for like a concert and I am running late, I’ll suck up the cost.
It’s all about what is essential for you and which resources you’re willing to invest here.
Some questions to help you evaluate the amount of effort involved/cost for you are:
What is the amount of effort in the measurement of time, energy and money will it take for you to be present?
Do you have the time, energy, money and/or attention for this event?
If you can attend will you be able to be present or will you be too distracted or tired?
Whatever you decide, make sure you tell the host your honest answer. Don’t ghost them. 0/10 not recommended.
Now let’s wrap this up…
There’s nothing more frustrating than being disappointed after you built up your expectations for an event whether you’re the host or the person being invited. This disappointment is what impacts relationships the most. I believe it can be avoided by identifying your alignment, expectations and evaluating the amount of effort and cost involved. Take care of how you act here and communicate your decisions to all parties.
Most importantly, if you choose to go to events, have fun!
If you need more tips on growing your career check out my previous blogs. Here’s one on branding and another on taking care of engaging with people.
Christina L Glancy is a leading voice for helping first generation professionals use healthy communication and boundaries to navigate the growing pains on their journey to success. She is passionate about having tough conversations that lead to growth and solutions. If she’s not strategizing with her clients, you’ll find her traveling or starting pillow fights with her niece and nephews.
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